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Television
«If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.»
«If vaudeville had died, television was the box they put it in.»
«I think television has betrayed the meaning of democratic speech, adding visual chaos to the confusion of voices. What role does silence have in all this noise?»
«If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.»
«If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there'd be peace.»
«If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed.»
«If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives.»
«I'm not one of those people that goes into details of my personal life on national TV to get attention. Some things are better left unsaid.»
«I'm never at my best on television. There's a row of cameras between you and the audience, and it's very weird, very confusing.»
«I saw a product on late night tv. It said, you can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product. Who the fuck would make their plants hard to reach?! I know you need water, but I'm gonna make you hard to reach. I will throw water at you. Hopefully they invent a product before you shrivel and die. And they said, you can have this product for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like to see a product that was available for three easy payments, and one fuckin' complicated payment. We ain't gonna tell you which one it is, but one of these payments is gonna be a bitch: the mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamps will be in the wrong denomination...Good luck f*cker! The last payment must be made in wompum!»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(
Comedian)
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About:
Funny,
Television
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Keywords:
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denomination,
denominations,
envelope,
envelopes,
fuck,
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Fuckin,
good luck,
hopefully,
invent,
Late Night,
mailman,
one shot,
payment,
payments,
plants,
seal,
shot,
shrivel,
shriveled,
shrivels,
shrivel up,
stamps