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Stephen Wright Quotes
«There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.»
Author: Stephen Wright
(
Actor,
Writer)
|
Keywords:
department,
departments,
Department of,
department store,
Department Stores,
escalator,
escalators,
outage,
power outage,
store,
stored up,
storing,
There was,
trapped,
trapping,
twenty,
yesterday
«The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.»
Author: Stephen Wright
(
Actor,
Writer)
|
About:
Funny
|
Keywords:
Alaska,
Bermuda,
Bermuda Triangle,
Claus,
Clauses,
missing,
moved,
moved to,
Santa,
Santa Claus,
tired of,
triangle,
triangles,
weather
«I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.»
Author: Stephen Wright
(
Actor,
Writer)
|
Keywords:
accelerator,
accelerators,
accelerator pedal,
behind,
brake,
brakes,
car,
gas,
gases,
gone,
hit,
hooked,
hooking,
hook up,
hook up with,
lights,
pedal,
pedaling,
stop,
The Cars
«I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.»
Author: Stephen Wright
(
Actor,
Writer)
|
Keywords:
buy,
general,
General A,
General of the,
general store,
General The,
specific,
specifics,
store,
stored up,
storing,
went
«When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.»
«On the other hand, you have different fingers.»
«Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it...»
Author: Stephen Wright
(
Actor,
Writer)
|
Keywords:
get it,
In the press,
ironed,
ironing,
irons,
notice,
permanent,
press,
press on,
setting,
settings
«I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.»
«I was born by Caesarean section, but you can't really tell... except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window.»
Author: Stephen Wright
(
Actor,
Writer)
|
Keywords:
Born,
caesarean,
caesarean section,
except,
go out,
house,
housed,
housing,
In Your House,
leave,
Our House,
really,
section,
sections,
Tell,
window
«A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could only have one book, what would it be? I always say 'How to Build a Boat»
Author: Stephen Wright
(
Actor,
Writer)
|
Keywords:
ask me,
a lot,
boat,
boated,
boating,
book,
Book One,
build,
could,
How to,
lot,
shipwrecked,
shipwrecks