Quotations
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Mitch Hedberg Quotes
«I went to see a band in New York. The lead singer got on the microphone, and he said How many of you people feel like human beings tonight? Then he said How many of you feel like animals? And everyone cheered after the animals part. But the thing is, I cheered after the human being part because I did not know that there was a second part to the question.»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)
| About:
New York
| Keywords:
band, banded, banding, cheered, feel like, lead singer, microphone, New York, singer, The Animals, The Question, tonight, York
«I tried walking into a Target , but I missed.»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)
«I get the Reese's candy bar, If you read it, there's an apostrophe. The candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time your eating a Reese's and some guy named Reese comes up to you and says let me have that. You better give it to him. I'm sorry Reece, I didn't think I would ever run into you.»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)
«I got so much tarter i dont gotta dip my fishsticks in shit!»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)
«A minibar is a machine that makes everything expensive. When I take something out of the minibar, I always fathom that I'll go and replace it before they check it off, but they make that stuff impossible to replace. I go to the store and ask, 'Do you have coke in a glass harmonica? ...Do you have individually wrapped cashews?'»
«My sister wanted to be an actress. She never made it, but she does live in a trailer... so she got halfway. She's an actress, she's just never called to the set.»
«Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on. I'm going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.»
«Why are there no during pictures.»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)